One we are Nobodies, Two we are Whole
by Insane Kawaii Shippo-Chan
Summary: Axel's feelings before he 'dies'... This is my take of how he felt and what he thought at his final moment of existence. I now have added Roxas and Namine to this. .:COMPLETE:.
1. Axel

One we are Nobodies, Two we are whole  
Chapter One: Axel

"I wanted to see Roxas… He… was the only one I liked… He made me feel… like I had a heart. It's kind of… funny… You make me feel… the same." A ghost of a smile spread on the Nobody's paled features.

Axel gazed up into Sora's crestfallen face just before he took his final breaths of his nonexistent life. Within his empty body, inside his empty chest where is heart shold have been, a pang of regret shot through him like liquid fire. He blink backed the water coming to his eyes. What were they? Tears?

'Roxas…' he thought, vision blurring as he smiled up at Sora once more, imagining it was the yellowed hair youth he cared deeply for, 'I wish I could have seen you, just one last time buddy.'

He could remember exactly how his once blonde cheerful friend used to be before he left the damned Organization, how _they_ used to be. Driving Xemnas and the others insane with Demyx, rocking out to songs from the outside worlds late into the night. He closed his eyes, a tear escaping from his left eyes as the darkness consumed him. The feeling of liquid running down his temples felt endearing, and frightening. Was this what it meant to feel sadness or contentment? Never had he felt the need to cry until now.

A year was too short live for the younger nobody. But either way, Axel loved Roxas like a little brother, maybe even more if he had a heart. Nobodies didn't have hearts, and as the superior alway said _'therefore cannot feel emotions.' _Emotions? What a joke. Everything he ever said was just a big joke to him.

What _did _it mean to have a heart?

What would it feel like to know love, anger, betrayal, hate, sadness or maybe even acceptance and belonging? What drove them to their existence? If they, simple _Nobodies _whose mere existence meant nothing, could not feel any emotion, then how could they smile, laugh, obsess over something and have the will to carry on with their so called life? What made the Superior so determined to find this Kingdom Hearts? Was it really to find himself a _heart_? To find a way to exist and be apart of something bigger then what they were? There just had to be something there, something more important then this heart concept that eluded them all for long. A 'heart' had to be something more then just a physical thing that housed emotions.

What ever it was, Axel didn't give a damn. He felt _whole _with Roxas, felt as if he had an actual heart and was alive in every sense of the word. That was all that mattered to the pyromaniac. He was happy and content watching over his friend and just being with him. That was… until Roxas left. Never had he questioned his feeling, but Axel knew that somehow, they had the ability to feel. The moment Roxas stepped into that portal never had Axel experienced so much turmoil.

'_No one would miss me…'_ What the hell was he thinking? Of course someone would miss him. His one true friend… Axel. Could they even call what they had Friendship? Didn't he give a rat's ass about him? What was the point of their fun then? Did it not have a special meaning in his… his… _Heart?_

No. He didn't have a heart, none of them did. But why, why did it hurt so much to see the boy walk away from him, leaving behind his past, his friend and everything he ever had? Axel had never felt so lost and so lonely. It hurt him, it hurt him in a way he never felt. If he had a heart, would he have died? There were so many questions left unanswered, so many feelings Axel had yet to experience. Roxas was his key to existing, his reason to live.He just couldn't exist without him. He was dying from the start, and by helping Sora, he accelerated it. But it wasn't for Sora, it was to save Roxas. Damn that Namine for helping him find Sora!

Did Axel ever feel what love was? Oh yes he felt that for Roxas. Call him gay, he didn't care! There was no other word that could describe what he felt for the smaller nobody. Acceptance? With Roxas.

Belonging? Only with Roxas.

Sadness? The night Roxas left him.

Hate? Yes… at himself for not stopping Roxas from trying to find who he was apart of.

Depression? When he had to hunt down Roxas and now his only chance to see the young blonde haired boy was lost.

Betrayal? When Roxas forgot him.

Anger? Hell yeah, he didn't get to see Roxas again dammit! Sora was so much like Roxas… but then again, Roxas _was_ Sora. He was apart of the keyblade master's heart. In truth, the Nobody didn't exist, especially not now that he emerged with the brown, spiky haired teen.

Roxas…

Looking back, maybe he had experienced more than he thought. But what about joy? Happiness… Ok, so he did, but with Roxas. It was always with Roxas, and only with Roxas. Traitor or not, he loved the boy with whatever he had, mind, body, maybe even his heart and soul if he did have one.

There was just something about him that made Axel feel special, and by god, he never felt so full of life, so full of ambition to make something of his existence. If he was going to die, at least he would die with the one person who carried Roxas with in him. He smiled at the thought when Sora's face filled with blackness. He faintly wondered if he cried for him. Would Roxas?

Maybe there was more to everything that not even Xemnas understood or knew about. Maybe there was more then just actually having a blood pumping organ that constricted every time some one left you hurt or swelled when you were proud. Axel kind of understood that now. A heart wasn't really a physical thing, but a feeling. If you could show compassion or detestation for someone without even thinking, but reacting to a sensation felt within you instinctively, then maybe you could say you did have a heart or at least half. Everyone knows two halves equal a whole. And Roxas was that half he had been missing all this time.

Sora… good kind hearted Sora and so much like Roxas. He was jealous to say the least of the fifteen year old. At least Roxas became whole again, and he was going to live within the very person, the very heart, he was created from. But despite it all, Axel was happy; his friend was going to live. He had another chance at life, and this time he would be complete.

Roxas… it was always Roxas he loved… It was with Roxas he felt complete. Without him... he was just a Nobody. A pitiful broken-hearted Nobody missing his other half.

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Re Edition of AXEL. Thank you for the hits, I'd appreciate reviews too…


	2. Roxas

This is a continuation of chapter one. I didn't want to post this as its own document, since both are pretty much about the same thing. I hope you enjoy my interpretation of Roxas's thoughts after he left the Organization and Axel. I didn't want to do a part about Namine, she really doesn't matter to me like Kairi. I find both of them like Sirens, distracting our boys from their true, almost homosexual, objectives D: Heathens!

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One we are Nobodies, Two we are whole  
Chapter 2: Roxas

"Nobody would miss me..."

It hurt him more then he thought, but he had to do it, he had to find himself. Roxas never looked back, but he heard what Axel said as the portal to darkness closed. A tear slipped from his eye as he wrapped his arms around himself. Axel was the only one he could call a friend. The older boy always gave him a helping hand and taught him everything he needed to know to just _live_. Axel was his everything.

Things at the castle, though tough, were everything he needed to be what he thought was 'happy'. Axel was everything to him: his friend, his father, his brother and his most cherished person. His emerald eyes always softened on him and only him, never anyone else. And his smile... Axel always smiled just for him. Everyone else treated him different since he too was a Keyblade Bearer. He was much more special then the others and he hated it.

Xemnas never allowed him to do much, and let the others do things for him for a time. Once he learned his real self was alive, he had to see for himself. That strange boy, Riku, mistook him for this... this other self. His whole self. He grew bitter when Xemnas denied him, and took it out on Axel by denying him being near the boy. Roxas knew it hurt Axel, but he had to break him now or he would never let him go. He had to run away. He didn't want to be a Nobody with no past. He wanted to be a somebody… anybody.

Roxas's only hope was that Axel would forget him, and the day he met DiZ and the strange man, he accepted his fate to enter the make believe world where he would have a heart. It was too keep him safe. He never meant to forget Axel when he reappeared, he truly didn't know who he was but seeing the hurt in his eyes and in his voice, he knew he had to be someone special to him. It wasn't until later, after meeting Namine, he knew what he was missing. He didn't have a past. He let his anger out on Axel again, just before he rejoined Sora.

Sora... his other self was truly remarkable. Nothing ever let him down, and his passion drove him to search for his friends and help those in need. Why couldn't Roxas be more like that? Put others before himself and not care what became of him? Seeing the others from Twilight Town, the real Olette, Pence and Hayner, sadden him, and tore at Sora's heart. Though Sora was allowed to see them again, Roxas wouldn't, and so he cried. They didn't know he existed. Again… he was a nobody.

Much time past and before he realized it, Sora was fighting along side Axel. He rejoiced seeing his friend again and only wished to be free again to talk to him, to hold him again and be near him. But when Axel released an attack that drained his life force, Roxas felt something stir inside him. The only way he could describe it was that his heart was breaking.

'Axel!' he thought broken-heartedly, 'What have I done? My friend, don't go... don't leave me! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... don't die, don't die!' At last Axel told Sora his final words, making Roxas weep deep within Sora. He betrayed his friend, the only one he ever loved. How could he do that to him? All Axel ever did was take care of him. If it hadn't been for Namine, maybe none of this would have happened. Namine had filled his head with silly thoughts and led him back to Sora's heart. If she hadn't… then maybe… maybe… Axel could have continued to live on. Even so, Roxas couldn't blame her. She was only trying to fix the mistake she helped create.

While Sora continued his journey in search of Riku and Kairi, Roxas began to understand that what Xemnas searched for wasn't something to be found on the outside, but within. The darkness within Xemnas was what his heart created, and it blinded him from discovering that. Kingdom Hearts connected everyone to one another, it wasn't a place to seek power or obtain something he thought the Nobodies lacked.

In truth, the Nobodies did not lack anything but half a heart. They were born from strong hearts which at their final moments of existing created the Nobodies. In a way, it was that heart's last chance of staying alive, to exist without their living bodies and be forgotten. Nobodies didn't have hearts because they _were_ hearts. That was how they were created, and that was how they were able to feel the way what they did. They had half a heart, and it was complete when they found another nobody to be with. Together, they completed each other. Maybe that was why Xemnas never understood it. He didn't have anyone to complete him.

In the end, with nothing else to lose, he made amends and loaned his powers to both Sora and Riku to defeat Xemnas. The two boys reminded him a lot of him and Axel, always together. He helped him home, to Destiny Island where he would at least be with Namine, a special Nobody like himself. She was the last one of his kind, the only one who knew he existed. But he never felt whole again. He was only half of something special.

Without Axel, he couldn't be whole again.

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Re edition of ROXAS. I like how this turned out compared to the first version. Maybe it's because I had a while to think things over and finally get what I had been thinking straight. I think I might end up doing a Namine sometime soon… the only thing is I don't know a lot about her because she's definitely not my favorite person, nor is Kairi. But it would be interesting to me how I'm going to interpret her thoughts from what we know about her. Please review!


	3. Namine

The final installment of my mini series. Namine, the last of the Nobodies with a special gift and the will to be a SOMEBODY.

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One We Are Nobodies, Two We Are Whole

Chapter 3: Namine

_I'm sorry… I'm so sorry..._

Never had she felt so used. All she wanted was to be a part of someone's life and be cherished like her whole self had been. Kairi was loved by both Sora and Riku. Why couldn't she have that? Marluxia promised her a place in the world so she wouldn't end up as the rest of the Nobodies. Existing in a world with no hopes or dreams, going by day by day like voiceless shadows. Namine didn't want to be a ghost. She had a chance to be with Sora, yet his will won and she had to place him to sleep. Was it so hard to ask that he be with her? Was she so different then this girl named Kairi? Searching through his memories, Namine realized that his love and compassion was to be earned truthfully, not out of trickery and lies. How ashamed she felt.

DiZ was the one to comfort her and help her mend the past she nearly destroyed. That was when she met Roxas, a special Nobody like herself. He too searched for meaning, yet he seemed broken, as if he really didn't have a heart or the will to continue. Creating the alternative Twilight Town wasn't just a way to keep him safe from his pursuers, she designed it so he felt as if he belonged somewhere. Deep down she knew she messed things up, but she didn't know how to fix things, at least not then.

When the Dusks entered his world of make believe as well as the strange red headed man, it was up to her to set things right. Little by little she gave him clues to defend himself and help him remember his forgotten memories she sealed away. The chains of his memories and Sora's were breaking and recontructing themselves for the moment when the two would meet.

The instant she let Roxas into her room, something inside of her changed. Perhaps it was Kairi calling out to Sora, trying to break the sleep she had created over his heart and mind. Roxas was the key to wake him up. There was a possibility he would be lost, but it was what he wanted in the end. Even when DiZ tried to stop her, her will prevailed once she saw the two unite. At that moment she would no longer be used as an instrument of evil things. She would forget her powers and journey on her own to find her heart that dwelled within the girl named Kairi. The only problem was to locate her. At her birth, she had no memory of where she came from, of who she was. It was something that needed to be discovered. She only knew of her existence from Marluxia. And so her quest began.

But again, she was alone as she wandered the worlds like a reaper, trying to find her real self. That was when she was captured by Siax, and taken to the dungeon. This was her chance to be whole and reunite with Roxas in spirit as he resided in Sora, lending his ture self strength. At first she was scared, what if she couldn't keep herself alive again in Kairi? Or what if her evil ways tainted the pure hearted Kairi? No, she had to do it.

Joining with Kairi was one of the hardest choices she had ever made, but in the end it was worth it. Once again she reunited with Roxas, the one who gave her a new meaning to continue to exist, her privilege to live on her own taken. It was her will and Roxas' determination that sent the two key blade masters back home to Destiny Island. Finally, they had a home, people who cherished them and it made her happy, happier than she ever felt even if it wasn't her they called for. Kairi... not Namine.

Marluxia promised her false hope. Kingdom Hearts would not give her a new meaning. She had to carve her own path, rely on herself and believe in the power to become whole. Within Kairi, she would have no voice; no will, but a heart, so full of emotion and life. She would stare through the eyes of the girl's and continue to live as the days go by. It was better then being a nobody, because she was apart of somebody.

Kingdom Hearts was the domain in which the Nobodies dwelled, waiting to be reunited with their true self. It connected them to everyone and everything. Kingdom Hearts could never give you a heart because there were none to give. It was a place of reunion and completion.

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And so, I conclude my series of this. I hope you liked it! Chapters AXEL and ROXAS will be revised again soon. If anyone thinks I should do a SORA and/or RIKU chapter, feel free to let me know. I think I could manage that if you the readers want me to. I want to do it, but at the same time no. So motivate me some how. They both pretty much entered the realm of Nobodies with the knowledge of their existence. How would they feel, knowing that Roxas was once apart of Sora? Thanks again! And please REVIEW!


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